Doug Loves Sarah, Week 16 of 52

Kids

They say that the most contentious argument that a husband and wife might get over is spending habits. I believe it. Nothing honestly decides the very life flow of the family quite the way that income does. Luckily, for Sarah and myself, we both suck at money and so neither of us tends to get up and arms because neither of us can really blame the other for our faults.

That was a bad way to start this one out, because it makes it sound like I am now going to suggest some argument that was bigger than one about money. Which we probably have never had one, well, at least not about anything I want to talk about right now. But, well, it seems to me that something that might haunt us, in the way that arguments about money haunt most couples, is the decision about having kids.

To sum up: Sarah wants kids.

To further sum up: She doesn't know when.

To further sum up: I have no clue at all.

To finish summing up: they would probably be cute, and very, very precocious.

I think the first major problem we have is whether or not we can afford it. I look at my, literally, two thousand dollars in books a year habit, and realize that is just peanuts to the cost of a child. Not only would I have to stick to not buying books (except maybe through a bargain bin) but I would have to spend that money on a creature who will most definitely go through a book destroying phase. He is sure to crack the spines, at least.

And if that sounds like a shallow reason to not have a child, it is. But it is one that must be kept in mind. Especially the whole "bargain bin" bit. Sigh.

The second major problem is that the mother figure of this husband and wife team is a person who loves working with dangerous chemicals. Now, flipper baby jokes aside, it is not exactly good pre-natal care to be pregnant on something with more Cs and Hs than Richard Hatch's name. On top of this, chemists have crap for humor, and is that the sort of jokes I want my kid raised around? He might even make some joke about "being positive he's lost an electron" in mixed company (mixed being peope who find it funny combined with people who don't).

We run into the semblance of a game plan. She will continue to work as chemist for the time being, and then later will take it off so that she can work on being a mom. But when? Who knows? And that brings us back full circle. The answer of "She'll probably just keep the job and we'll adopt" sounds promising, and will likely be the truth, but the future is an odd place to be (though I wager it will still be an odd place without flying cars by time we get there).

Did I mention that I am a worry wart? I panic sometimes when I think the apartment might have caught fire and that my books might going up in smoke (as well as the pets). Just think what it will be like when the mother of my unborn child is tossed into these fears. I panic just thinking about how worried I will be.

And, of course, the big one...the in-laws. And nothing going to bring down the greater judgement on high on her head than giving the Ridouts their first grandbaby. It would be immoral to hide it, but I can hear the phone calls now. Heh. Thank God for caller ID. Hehehehe.