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Doug Loves Sarah, Week 11 of 52


It fast approaches three o'clock in the morning, and I have to work early, but I am about three weeks behind on this thing and so plan to catch them all up at once.

Earlier on, the week escapes me now, I wrote about Sarah and mine's habit of saying Banana Staples to indicate that we wish an end to some small annoyance, a comedic variation on the sexually connotated "safe-word"; started and still shared by a couple of larks. This habit had a couple of nasty side effects, the number one of them being that one could use it to their advantage. All you had to do was to exact some sort of dastardly doing on the unsuspecting other, and then declare a quick "Banana Staples" in the stunned silence to prevent revenge.

Violation of Banana Staples has one main punishment, in that it sets up a freeshot. For every break in the terms of the contract, a similar break can be made with no return fire.

Seeking revenge would lead to one being defenseless, and so it became a dark time. Lawlessness ruled the land. Namely, Sarah abused the heck out of it.

Whenever I would try to rectify this breach by saying that one could not BS the act of revenge, she would smirk up and claim that no new rules could be established. I was in a quandary. She was vindictive. She was aggressive. I was the kind hearted soul who never could conceive of abusing such a sacred contract.

But I got the blighter, I did. Without changing one writ of the BS rules and regulations, I established in the midst of Roger's a whole new subgenre of contract, the Tit-for-Tat. TfT could be invoked, and it held sway over BS, for TfT meant that no matter what else occurred, revenge could be precisely metted out. No more purple nurples. No more hair pulls. No more breaking of one's favorite toys. (Two out of those three never occured anyhow, I admit, but it never hurts to be hyperbolicly safe). Whatever pain and torment she inflicted upon me, I could return.

Of course, she had designs up her sleeves, but that is another story.

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